This is a topic of conversation that I have with myself daily. It is something I am still working on to this day.
Letting go of something wether that be a person, a feeling, a situation, a material possession or anything else, can be hard.
When a situation comes up that is unpleasant it can take a lot for you to try and shake it off. You replay the scenario over and over again in your head and with that comes the same emotions felt at the time. This send us off into a frenzy, thinking about all outcomes and trying to predict what is going to happen.
Same when you lose a material object. You remember who gave it to you, where they gave it to you, how happy you were, all the times you used it and you get sad because you think without it you can’t feel happy again.
Or if you lose a loved one, you have no idea how you are going to cope and you play scenarios in your head of what you think life will be like without them.
Our brains DO NOT know the difference between fake or real. It responds to pictures, so the vision you are seeing in your head will determine the chemistry of the body.
For example, if you imagine a time you were upset and picture every detail of that time you will start to feel the physical sensations and emotions that you felt when it was actually happening. You begin to release hormones like adrenaline and cortisol which signals to the body to go into fight or flight mode. Your stress response.
If we imagine a time when we were overflowing with joy, again the same thing applies, we start to feel the emotions and sensations linked to that time as if we were there now. Only this time you signal to the body that everything is okay and activate your relaxed response.
You can feel your energy being drained and your body getting heavier and your mind getting clogged up when we live in a place of fear or worry. When we can’t let go and carry that person/situation/ thing it feels like we are carrying a weighted backpack with us all day long.
I want to share with you a 5 step process that I use when i’m feeling overwhelmed, heavy and drained.
Now these things that I am listing are easier said than done. It takes time, commitment and consistency to navigate through these. This process will allow you to truly let go once and for all.
Literally stop whatever your dong and become aware of what is going on in your head and in your body. What are the physical sensations? Where are you feeling them? Notice without labelling good or bad, negative or positive.
When you regulate your breath you regulate your nervous system. You can change the chemistry in the body just through conscious breathing. So in order to relax we want to breath more into the belly and extend our exhales. Make your exhale almost double the length of the inhale. Using belly breathing is an excellent way to relax the central nervous system because it stimulates the Vagus Nerve. The nerve responsible for your relaxation response.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. Don’t try to hide away from the fact you are angry, embarrassed, upset or whatever it is you feel. Go into those feelings and continue to remind yourself that you are safe and supported. By going into the emotions and not just pushing them down it allows you to fully let go and not hold on to them for them to just re appear in a different situation. Again there is no good or bad here, you are simply just noticing/observing.
4. ASK YOURSELF QUESTIONS
This one can make people feel uncomfortable but let’s be honest we all talk to ourselves wether we are conscious of it or not. “shall I go this way or this way” “should I do my food shop now or wait” “do I really need that” etc.
In this situation when asking the questions be kind to yourself. Be gentle and compassionate and understanding.
Start by asking what am I feeling?
Where am I feeling it?
Why am I feeling this way? (Not in a victim sense but in an inquisitive sense).
Understand where these emotions are coming from.
Can you do anything about it to rectify the situation? If so do it , f not then it leads us on to the next point.
Make a conscious decision to LET IT GO. This part is where it take consistent work. Repeat I choose to let go, I choose to let go, I choose to let go. By repeating this it re affirms the brain to go to work and start looking for solutions to help you let go. As you're doing this focus on the physical sensations and feel them slowly beginning to dissolve. This can take time but by coming back to the first 4 points and then making the choice, every minute of every day will lead you down the road to freedom. Freedom of worry, freedom of fear and anxiety. We cultivate a sense of peace and trust, that fills our bodies with ease and relaxation instead of tightness and tension.
As I write this blog I am feeling an attachment to a situation that happened to me yesterday. It was unpleasant and something I really didn’t need but it happened and there is nothing I can do about that. I have been working my way through these points to help let it go and too be honest its starting to ease and I can feel it melting away.
What really helps clear my mental space is mediation so I want to leave you with a guided meditation focused on letting go.
Click the button below to access the FREE MEDITATION/VISUALISATION and let me know how you get on.